Parent like people are watching you
As a short-fused Sagitarrius, I can pop off as easily as my toddler—a volatile combination under the wrong circumstances. At home, I tag in my husband when I’m feeling overwhelmed but that’s not an option on the road. When Julian throws an end-of-days tantrum, especially in public, my gut instinct is to shut it down at any cost. Imagining I’m in front of an invisible studio audience—along with slowly and methodically tracing my fingers–has saved us in our ugliest hours. When he’s dysregulated and I feel myself slipping into the red zone, I’ll make sure he’s safe and then remove myself from the situation for a few beats, reminding myself of the Dr. Beckyism that he’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time. I take all the deep breaths until I can “hug him like you mean it,” as Rachel puts it. Only then can we return to sailing the course.
Don’t be a hero—take all the help you can get
Both Nanuku Resort and Jean-Michel Cousteau Resort in Fiji offered dedicated nannies for babies and toddlers, yet I felt guilty every time I dropped Julian off to use the gym, get a spa treatment, or go snorkeling. Why? The nannies were experienced caretakers and eager to help, and it gave Julian a chance to socialize with people his own age in their fantastic kids clubs. This very Western idea that we are all islands and must raise our kids alone gnaws at the root of American parenting. Practicing self-care is essential both at home and abroad, but it took me a month on the road to truly embrace it. By the time we got to the spectacular kids club at Anantara Koh Yao Yai Resort & Villas in Thailand, I was grateful for the break. I worked, exercised, and simply enjoyed the silence while Julian flung his body into a pastel-colored ball pit. Win-win!
Name three good things that happen every day
One hellish tantrum has a way of coloring an otherwise great day. That’s why it’s important to maintain perspective. Rachel encouraged me to jot down three good things that happen every day, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. Even on capital-A awful days, of which we experienced a dozen in our three-month run, I could always dig up three tender moments or funny anecdotes for the recap. It was a good reminder that today is not tomorrow, now is not forever, and human beings—children especially—are multitudinous creatures who cannot and should not be reduced to our lousiest moments.
When you get home…
Review the trip again and again
Toddlers love seeing where they’ve been and what they’ve done—and you may be pleasantly surprised by how much they remember when you scroll through photos and videos from previous travels. Julian loves watching himself get showered by elephants at Anantara Golden Triangle Elephant Camp & Resort in Northern Thailand, summon flocks of homing pigeons on a rooftop in Old Delhi (another special outing arranged by the incomparable Micato Safaris), and ride the teacups round and round with our up-for-anything guide Khaled Took at a mall amusement park in Taif, Saudi Arabia. We may think these experiences go in one ear and out the other, but they make a bigger impression than you realize.
But most importantly…
Remember there is no such thing as a universal hack
What worked for my kid won’t necessarily work for yours and vice versa. We’re all just eking by, figuring out this parenting thing from minute to minute, day to day, trip to trip. Godspeed, y’all.