Instead of letting toxic social media comparisons steal your joy, broker Pam Blair writes, embrace what makes you different.
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“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt
It’s 6 p.m. I’m tired but happy as I sink into my couch. The aroma of homemade pasta sauce lingers in the air. My dog and I took a long, sunny walk. Every task on my calendar is checked off. It’s time to relax.
Then, I start scrolling.
Within seconds, my mood plummets. A fellow agent twirls in glittering silver pants, celebrating her latest success. Suddenly, my good day feels … less. Did I do enough? Am I enough?
Social media works at lightning speed. A study from MIT found that our brains process images in just 13 milliseconds. That’s how fast comparison steals our joy.
The inevitable trap of comparison
Social comparison is hardwired into us. In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory revealed our natural urge to evaluate ourselves against others. In real estate — an industry built on relationships — this tendency is amplified.
There are two types of social comparison:
- Upward comparison: Looking at those ahead of us for inspiration.
- Downward comparison: Looking at those behind us to feel better about ourselves.
As a lifelong overachiever, I’ve spent years measuring myself against the best and brightest. Sometimes, it fuels me. Other times, it drains me.
But today’s world has changed the game. Social media has made comparison unavoidable, often distorting reality and turning what could be motivation into self-doubt.
The dark side of social comparison
Social media gives us curated glimpses of others’ lives, not reality. This constant exposure can lead to what psychologists call social comparison syndrome — or as some have coined it, obsessive comparison disorder.
Symptoms include:
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety and depression
- Envy and resentment
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Body-image issues
- Social isolation
Even if you’re not a big scroller, societal pressure is everywhere. So how do we keep comparison from stealing our joy?
5 ways to manage social comparison
1. Practice the pause
Before mindlessly scrolling, take a deep breath. Ask yourself: Do I really want to go down this rabbit hole? A 10-second pause can help you make a conscious choice rather than an impulsive one.
2. Limit social media use
Awareness is key. Track how much time you spend scrolling. Set a timer if needed. The goal isn’t to eliminate social media but to control its impact on your mindset.
3. Be a creator, not just a consumer
I post almost daily, but I limit my scrolling to just five posts. This discipline lets me engage without being sucked into the comparison trap.
4. Practice gratitude
Comparison thrives on a not-enough mindset. Gratitude is the antidote. Write down three things you’re grateful for daily. It shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have.
5. Set goals, and celebrate wins
Clear, realistic goals keep you grounded in your journey — not someone else’s highlight reel. I create yearly, monthly and daily goals, keeping a vision board nearby for perspective. And when I hit a milestone? I celebrate — whether it’s a nice dinner or a new toy for my dog.
Own your unique path
In an industry where success is often defined by numbers, it’s easy to get caught up in comparison. But real estate isn’t one-size-fits-all. The beauty of this business is that there are infinite ways to succeed.
Instead of letting comparison steal your joy, embrace what makes you different. Lift others up. Celebrate your wins. And remember: Your journey is yours alone.
Pam Blair is the broker-owner of YogaBug Real Estate in Portland, Oregon. Connect with her on Instagram or LinkedIn.