The conversation is going to vary, depending on the stage of your relationship and severity of the disease, says Philip Werthman, MD, a urologist and the director of the Center for Male Reproductive Medicine and Vasectomy Reversal in Los Angeles. A frank discussion with a partner of 40 years may look different than a conversation with a person you just started dating.
Regardless of how long you’ve known your partner, here are a few tips you can use to broach the subject.
1. Choose the Right Time for the Conversation
The time to bring up the subject isn’t right before intimacy. Instead, start the discussion outside the bedroom, when you and your partner may not be feeling as much pressure. Then explain that you have Peyronie’s disease, which interferes with your ability to have sex.
2. Reassure Your Partner That You’re Still Attracted to Them
Peyronie’s disease can cause a lower libido or pain that hinders your ability to maintain an erection. If that’s the case for you, and you aren’t able to have sex, reassure your partner that it’s not their fault.
3. Mention That It’s Treatable
Peyronie’s disease can be treated, either with medications, traction therapy (which uses a device to stretch the penis), or surgery (usually reserved for more severe cases). The best treatment for you depends on the severity of the disease and how much it’s affecting your quality of life, says Dr. Werthman. In some cases, your partner may want to go to your appointments with you, to learn the best ways to support you.
4. Talk About What to Expect
Both you and your partner may feel more comfortable if you know more about the condition and how it may progress. Peyronie’s can worsen for up to 18 months before it stabilizes — and it will stabilize — and it can be treated.
5. Find New Ways to Be Intimate
Sex isn’t the only way to feel close to your partner. Find other ways to be intimate, in and out of the bedroom.
If you need help bringing up the subject or are experiencing other issues related to performance or self-esteem, consider talking to a sex therapist or other mental health professional, says Werthman.
In all likelihood, the condition can be treated, and you’ll be able to be intimate again, he says. “Most men just go back to life as usual,” he says.
